ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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