Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
