You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
