i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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