Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
