Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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