foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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