Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You did what with his pubic hair?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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