There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
