Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
