he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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