I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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