Michael Bay diarrhea
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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