It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
