As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ok first of all what the fuck
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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