I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize