There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
