how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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