Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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