Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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