I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if only i could text you this smell
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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