I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
