Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
