Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize