you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
