i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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