wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
