Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
