Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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