Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
