I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize