Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
