I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
