Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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