why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
