watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
