You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
