My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
