Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize