kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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