Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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