It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
