I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
