i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
