You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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