We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
