You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
