You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
