Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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