Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
