i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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