whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
