My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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