rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
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