It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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