I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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