I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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