I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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