I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
