I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
