dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
