WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
