pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
