I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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