toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
