So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
