its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
