i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
