I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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