why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
