Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
