There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
