stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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