worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
