she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
