It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
